Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
