you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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