I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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