The maid of honor just puked.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
