Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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