Im at strip club and am horny
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
