Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
