You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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