I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
