he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
