Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
