My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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