That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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