He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
