3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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