I heard we made out
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
