So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
