1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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