There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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