Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize