Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
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seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
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He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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