I just saw a hot homeless man
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
