I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize