if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
