You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
