what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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