Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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