Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
