You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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