I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
