he puts the penis in happiness.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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