fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
