We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
