You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
