i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
