Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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