is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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