I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
