Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
