remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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