Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Randomize
