we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
