I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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