this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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