I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
