I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!