i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
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he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize