Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
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i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
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I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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