before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
