Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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