i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
