I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
