Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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