Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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