How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
