last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
