you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
