there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Be still, my beating vagina.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
