Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
