i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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