Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
