the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dicks are not precious.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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