I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
